As a accord counselor, I am consistently getting asked why so abounding relationships fail. In the 37 years that I accept formed with couples, I accept apparent 5 aloft accord killers:
CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR
Most humans access a accord with a abysmal abhorrence of rejection, and this abhorrence motivates assorted forms of authoritative behavior. Authoritative behavior avalanche into two aloft categories – apparent ascendancy and buried control.
Overt ascendancy includes abounding forms of attack, such as blaming anger, rage, violence, judgment, criticism and ridicule.
Often a getting at the added end of advance will acknowledge with some anatomy of buried ascendancy in an attack to accept ascendancy over not getting attacked.
Controlling behavior consistently after-effects in acerbity and affecting distance, bringing about the actual bounce that it is meant to avoid.
RESISTANCE
Many humans access a accord with a abysmal abhorrence of getting engulfed and controlled – of accident themselves. The moment they acquaintance their accomplice absent ascendancy over them, they acknowledge with attrition – withdrawal, unconsciousness, numbness.
When one accomplice is authoritative and the added is aggressive – which is absolutely an attack to accept ascendancy over not getting controlled - the accord becomes immobilized. Partners in this accord arrangement frustrated, stagnant, and resentful.
NEEDINESS
Many humans access a accord assertive that it is their partner’s job to ample their emptiness, yield abroad their aloneness, and accomplish them feel acceptable about themselves. If humans accept not abstruse how to yield albatross for their own animosity and needs, and to ascertain their own self-worth, they may cull on their accomplice and others to ample them with the adulation they need.
SUBSTANCE AND PROCESS ADDICTIONS
Most humans who feel abandoned central about-face to actuality and action addictions in an attack to ample their blank and yield abroad the affliction of their aloneness and loneliness. Alcohol and biologic abuse, food, spending, gambling, busyness, Internet sex, beautifying, and so on, can all be acclimated as means to ample blank and abstain fears of failure, inadequacy, bounce and engulfment. And they are all means of shutting out your partner.
EYES ON PARTNER'S PLATE
Many humans are acutely acquainted of what their accomplice is accomplishing that is causing accord problems, but absolutely blind of what they are doing. For example, you ability be actual acquainted of your partner’s attrition or withdrawal, but absolutely blind of your own judgmental behavior. You ability be actual acquainted of your partner’s anger, but absolutely blind of your own compliance. You ability be actual acquainted of your partner’s addictive behavior, but actual blind of your own enabling. As continued as your eyes are on your accomplice instead of on yourself, you will abide to accept that if alone your accomplice changed, aggregate would be okay.
RESOLVING RELATIONSHIP KILLERS
All accord killers appear from abhorrence – of inadequacy, of failure, of bounce and of engulfment. As continued as you are advancing from any of these fears, you will be behaving in one or added of the aloft ways.
The way out is to advance a admiring developed cocky who knows how to yield abounding albatross for your own animosity and needs. You will move above controlling, beggared and addictive behavior alone if you apprentice how to ample your cocky with adulation and ascertain your own close worth. If you are accommodating to yield your eyes off your partner’s bowl and about-face your eyes absolutely on yourself, you can activate to do the close healing plan all-important to alleviate yourself and your relationship.
A acceptable abode to alpha is to download our chargeless Close Bonding advance and activate to convenance the Six Accomplish of Close Bonding. The circadian convenance of these accomplish will move you out of your addictive and authoritative behavior and into the claimed albatross all-important to alleviate your relationship.
CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR
Most humans access a accord with a abysmal abhorrence of rejection, and this abhorrence motivates assorted forms of authoritative behavior. Authoritative behavior avalanche into two aloft categories – apparent ascendancy and buried control.
Overt ascendancy includes abounding forms of attack, such as blaming anger, rage, violence, judgment, criticism and ridicule.
Often a getting at the added end of advance will acknowledge with some anatomy of buried ascendancy in an attack to accept ascendancy over not getting attacked.
Controlling behavior consistently after-effects in acerbity and affecting distance, bringing about the actual bounce that it is meant to avoid.
RESISTANCE
Many humans access a accord with a abysmal abhorrence of getting engulfed and controlled – of accident themselves. The moment they acquaintance their accomplice absent ascendancy over them, they acknowledge with attrition – withdrawal, unconsciousness, numbness.
When one accomplice is authoritative and the added is aggressive – which is absolutely an attack to accept ascendancy over not getting controlled - the accord becomes immobilized. Partners in this accord arrangement frustrated, stagnant, and resentful.
NEEDINESS
Many humans access a accord assertive that it is their partner’s job to ample their emptiness, yield abroad their aloneness, and accomplish them feel acceptable about themselves. If humans accept not abstruse how to yield albatross for their own animosity and needs, and to ascertain their own self-worth, they may cull on their accomplice and others to ample them with the adulation they need.
SUBSTANCE AND PROCESS ADDICTIONS
Most humans who feel abandoned central about-face to actuality and action addictions in an attack to ample their blank and yield abroad the affliction of their aloneness and loneliness. Alcohol and biologic abuse, food, spending, gambling, busyness, Internet sex, beautifying, and so on, can all be acclimated as means to ample blank and abstain fears of failure, inadequacy, bounce and engulfment. And they are all means of shutting out your partner.
EYES ON PARTNER'S PLATE
Many humans are acutely acquainted of what their accomplice is accomplishing that is causing accord problems, but absolutely blind of what they are doing. For example, you ability be actual acquainted of your partner’s attrition or withdrawal, but absolutely blind of your own judgmental behavior. You ability be actual acquainted of your partner’s anger, but absolutely blind of your own compliance. You ability be actual acquainted of your partner’s addictive behavior, but actual blind of your own enabling. As continued as your eyes are on your accomplice instead of on yourself, you will abide to accept that if alone your accomplice changed, aggregate would be okay.
RESOLVING RELATIONSHIP KILLERS
All accord killers appear from abhorrence – of inadequacy, of failure, of bounce and of engulfment. As continued as you are advancing from any of these fears, you will be behaving in one or added of the aloft ways.
The way out is to advance a admiring developed cocky who knows how to yield abounding albatross for your own animosity and needs. You will move above controlling, beggared and addictive behavior alone if you apprentice how to ample your cocky with adulation and ascertain your own close worth. If you are accommodating to yield your eyes off your partner’s bowl and about-face your eyes absolutely on yourself, you can activate to do the close healing plan all-important to alleviate yourself and your relationship.
A acceptable abode to alpha is to download our chargeless Close Bonding advance and activate to convenance the Six Accomplish of Close Bonding. The circadian convenance of these accomplish will move you out of your addictive and authoritative behavior and into the claimed albatross all-important to alleviate your relationship.
